*Scrollez pour la version française, my friends*
I am about to tell you about someone I cannot tell you about because she is famous, alive and accessible, but I will do it anyway and try to cover my tracks.
She is a young woman who embodies femininity. Actually she reached stardom because of her absolute embodiment of femininity. Gorgeous body, angular face, perfect profile. She seems to have great brains too as she didn’t stop at amassing followers by the shovel thanks to her sense of style, but took on creating her own brand and is now on her way to build an empire.
Anyways, last week I had lunch right next to her. And indeed she is beautiful. She is also very loud. She spoke to waiters as if they were deaf and occupied the space with her voice, unconcerned by the rest of the world, unaware of it even. Overall, I found her deceptively uncharming, thick in her manners, and dominant. She conveyed a surprisingly masculine energy I thought, that annoyed me.
I was experiencing the very same thoughts someone in the presence of a woman who fully exists expériences : « You’re not supposed to behave like this », « You take too much space ».
I was annoyed indeed, but why ? Was she rude ? No. Did she stop me from enjoying my lunch ? No, no. Here is what she was doing : living her life, enjoying herself, taking her space, not apologizing for it.
Not shrinking.
Now here is what was happening to me : I was visited by good old gender bias. I was annoyed because she was not compliant with what I expected her to be. She was not the creature of sensuality and languor that I had in mind. She was not…woman enough ?
We see the lines supposed to define what a proper woman is and say « how interesting ! » and step right over them.
BOUM ! Here I was on the other side of the mirror, experiencing the very same thoughts someone in the presence of a woman who fully exists expériences : « You’re not supposed to behave like this », « You take too much space », « Go back where you belong », « Do not trespass ».
Because that’s what we do right ? Women at work, we assert, we promote, we negotiate, we take our space and thus trespass all.the.time. Literally, we step out of the lines. We see the lines supposed to define what a proper woman is, marked on the floor like a dead body shape in a crime scene and say « how interesting ! » and step right over them. We ignore the lines, we disconsider the lines, we forget about the lines. We fuck the lines. And around, people get annoyed. This is not what they expected.
We disobey, that’s what we do.
Just like this beautiful creature, so far from what I wanted her to be, so much herself.
Conciliation, common interest, constant mood, domesticity, passivity, these are some of the values women are associated and expected to comply with. Assertivity, saying « I », saying « No », saying « I want more », being out there, on the action side, are the values women need to embrace to stay close to their ambitions and desires, at work and beyond.
We disobey, that’s what we do.
Sure, they will continue to be annoyed, they will criticize, undermine, maybe even reject. Let them be.
Just like this beautiful creature who did not care about anything.
So far from what I wanted her to be, so much herself.
Now, on your saddle, and off you go !
Clara
*Et nous voici en French-speaking zone, enjoy!*
Je vais vous parler de quelqu'un dont je ne peux pas vous parler parce qu’elle est célèbre, toujours en vie et accessible, mais je vais le faire quand même et essayer de brouiller les pistes.
C’est une jeune femme qui incarne la féminité. Elle est d’ailleurs devenue célèbre parce qu’elle incarne la féminité absolue. Corps magnifique, visage anguleux, profil parfait. Son cerveau semble aussi très bien fonctionner car elle ne s'est pas contentée d'amasser des followers à la pelle grâce à son sens du style, mais a créé sa propre marque et est tranquillement en train de bâtir un empire.
J’étais traversée par les mêmes pensées que quelqu'un en présence d'une femme qui existe pleinement : "Tu n'es pas censée te comporter comme ça", "Tu prends trop de place".
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