#9 Variations around the « Yes » (Eng & Fra)

A well-traveled politically incorrect hack

*Scrollez pour la version française, my friends*

As some of you know, I spent a big chunk of my adult life in Brazil. Brazilian culture is a mirage: the closer you get, the further away it drifts. It’s always escaping, slipping through your fingers. When you think you understood something, bam your misinterpretation puts you in the most awkward situation, once more, and again and again. It’s an illusion really, even more for us western Europeans who from the other side of the ocean believe it looks just like ours, only sunnier. It’s not. It’s everything you knew but shaken, reshuffled and put upside down. It’s nothing you knew. It’s beautiful and magnetic, and it took me a while to accept I wouldn’t grasp it in a lifetime.

But stubborn and enchanted as I was, I hang on and did manage to pick up a trait or two in the end. Among them is the very peculiar use of the word “Yes”.

As I knew it “Yes” meant “yes”, “alright”, “I agree”, “sure”, and all their approving cousins. In Brazil, “Yes” means all the above, as well as “I’ll see that later”, “maybe”, “are you kidding me?”, “no”, and all the colors of the rainbow.

Brazilians can look at you in the eyes, say “Yes!”, mean something completely different, and there is no way to guess what until you face the actual situation.

At first, it drove me crazy. Then I stopped being offended when people did not show up or did the exact opposite of what we had agreed. Then I started using it myself. And then, I took it to work. And thank Iemanja, this is a powerful tool.

Please meet Iemanja, mother of all Orixas, and Queen Goddess of the seas. She is one of the most prominent figures of Brazil’s syncretism, and embodies among many other things, the great power of fertility, in its broadest acception.

At work, we often focus on learning how to say “No” to assert ourselves, set our boundaries, not being eaten alive by the carnivore nature of the corporate world. But sometimes, the best way to say “No” is to say “Yes”.

So here it is, my beautiful Brazilian hack, a gift from me to you traveled one shore to the other, to carry around with you this summer, and beyond.

A “Yes” that means “We’ll see that later”

There are situations where everything speeds up. In meetings for example, modern version of gladiator’s fights, where egos confront under the eye of a sovereign Caesar. Suddenly someone has an idea, suddenly it’s urgent, someone has to take care of it NOW, and that person is you.

Or, your boss storms into your office because she had a chat with an important client and that person had an idea that suddenly became top priority, someone has to take care of it NOW and that person is you.

Sounds familiar? Well instead of ceding to the urge of setting your boundaries, right here and now, asserting a firm “No, I do not have time to do this”, or “No, that’s not a good idea”, try saying “Yes”, thinking “I’ll see that later”.

Because some of those priorities are just fake priorities, born in the heat of a moment but a few hours or days later appear for what they really are: not sustainable in the long term, not so strategic in the end, not so smart, not such good ideas. Eventually, they will fade and die.

So before knowing if you face a true or a fake priority, buy time and peace by not plunging into the confrontation right away. Give yourself room to think and assess, and then, if the priority is real, formulate your “No”, steady and sound, poised and pondered, without your panic mode giving you bad advice.

A “Yes” that means “No”

A colleague comes into your office and tells you “Look, this has to be done by such date, so make sure to finish it by week xx so we have time to reread it and send it out”. Sure, you could buy that fight and tell that person who is your pair to mind his/her own work and that you know how to manage your agenda thank you very much, but at the risk of breaking the fragile equilibrium of office diplomacy. Or, you could just say “Yes” and do as you please.

A “Yes” that buys time

You have been dreaming about that job for years. And you just got the offer. But you have so much on your plate already, and you’re the mother of two young children, and your agenda is full, and you’re not sure you can afford the extra help, and it is a big stretch you know, and maybe it’s better to wait for the right moment, other offers will come your way, and …

When an opportunity arises, if you feel like you want to take it, say “yes”, think later. Do not anticipate too much, you will find the solutions and resources to deal with the challenges that come your way. Most times, we speculate about difficulties that do not even intend to cross our paths.

Now, on your saddle, and off you go!

Clara

*Et nous voici en French-speaking zone, enjoy!*

Certains d'entre vous le savent, j'ai passé une bonne partie de ma vie d’adulte au Brésil. La culture brésilienne est un mirage : plus on s'approche, plus elle s'éloigne. Elle vous échappe toujours, vous glisse entre les doigts. Vous pensez avoir enfin compris quelque chose, et bam, vous êtes dans une situation embarrassante de nouveau, et encore et encore. C'est une illusion, surtout pour nous européens qui depuis la rive d’en face croyons qu'elle ressemble à la nôtre, en plus ensoleillée. Ce n'est pas le cas. C'est beau et magnétique, et il m'a fallu du temps pour accepter que je n’aurai pas assez d’une vie pour la saisir.

Mais déterminée et sous le charme comme je l'étais, je me suis entêtée et ai quand même fini par faire mien un trait ou deux. Parmi eux, il y a l'utilisation très particulière du mot « Oui ». Tel que je le connaissais, « Oui » signifiait « oui », « d'accord », « entendu », « bien sûr », et tous leurs cousins approbateurs. Au Brésil, « Oui » signifie tout cela, mais aussi « je verrai ça plus tard », « peut-être », « certainement pas », « non», et toutes les couleurs de l'arc-en-ciel.

Les Brésiliens peuvent vous regarder dans les yeux, dire « oui ! », penser tout autre chose, et il n'y a aucun moyen de deviner quoi jusqu'à ce que vous soyez effectivement confrontée à la situation.

Au début, je trouvais cela insupportable. Puis j'ai arrêté de me sentir offensée lorsque les gens ne venaient pas à un rendez-vous ou faisaient exactement l’inverse de ce que nous avions convenu. Puis j'ai commencé à l'utiliser moi aussi. Et puis, je l'ai apporté avec moi au travail. Et remercions Iemanja, car c'est un outil puissant.

Please meet Iemanja, mother of all Orixas, and Queen Goddess of the seas. She is one of the most prominent figures of Brazil’s syncretism, and embodies, among many other things, the great power of fertility, in its broadest acception. 

Au travail, on se concentre souvent sur le fait d’apprendre à dire « Non » pour s’affirmer, asseoir ses limites, ne pas être dévorées par la nature carnivore du monde du travail. Sauf que parfois, la meilleure façon de dire « non », c’est de dire « oui ».

Alors le voici mon hack chéri, mon tour de passe-passe brésilien, un cadeau venu de l’autre rive, à emporter avec vous cet été, et au-delà.

Un « Oui » qui veut dire « Nous verrons ça plus tard »