Two faces, one coin (eng & fra)

Where confidence comes from and how to build some more

Dear readers, thank you so much for being here. Today’s tale is about horse-riding and self-confidence, where it comes from and how to embrace the other side of the coin to build some more. I hope you like it and if you do, please forward it to your loved ones! Have a beautiful summer.

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Here is where to further discover my work:

• My podcast and book “The rules of the Game” about being a woman at work.

• My podcast about how to invest one’s savings “The Starter Pack” (Fra)

• Follow me / get in touch on Linkedin or Instagram.

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So last week I went on a horse riding trip with a friend in Hungary. The two of us, four other women riders including our guide, six strong magyar horses, and the Hungarian puszta as a decorum for four days. It was awesome. I went there for freedom, some adrenaline, and the irresistible idea of galloping through unknown territories in search for the me “that only exists when I am barefoot” as the fabulous

Pamela Anderson

puts it - although I wore proper boots, as well as a helmet. Did I find her? Maybe, and also something else.

On the first evening two other riders who had come together shared their equestrian experience with great confidence. They told us all about their jumping and endurance competitions, their “British equestrian society” accreditations, their multiple training activities and made us, although good riders ourselves, question our ability to even follow their pace the next day. Only for a minute though as a lousy fall of one of them during the first counter evaporated our doubts and reminded me how confidence is above all a matter of narrative - how we narrate ourselves and how we position ourselves relatively to someone who exudes a strong narrative in return. No absolute truth in the matter. Confidence is not about facts.

The rider is fine by the way, her bottom was scratched but her self confidence was not - in her mind she is still the best out there.

Then things got even more interesting.

On a different note, Emmanuel Carrère, one of France’s greatest authors alive was part of the French delegation at the G7 and wrote this piece of art to take us with him in the negotiation rooms, behind closed doors, in planes and cars, and give us a glimpse at the clown show the world has turned into. No concession, no courtisanerie, just a sharp eye and some wit to face the world’s affairs.

As the trip progressed and we all became more comfortable with our horses and abilities, rose our desire to go faster, longer, crazier, live the dream, until the guide announced we were ready to “push the horses a little” and there of course also rose the fear. Because you know, horses were well trained and all but what if their wild nature takes over, and what if I get carried away, and what if I fall and break a cervical and.. your mind gallops. And a schism happened. Some decided not to go, and get rid of the fear. Others decided to go, with the fear. The fear was in them too, but they went anyways. And here it strikes again: comfort and trust are not the usual state of things. Where there is will, there is fear.

We don’t need to be governed by fear though, let it decide for us. We can surrender - to the guide - and deal with the problems - a crazy horse - when they arise.

It is worth the discomfort because on the other side of fear, is confidence.

When you overcome, you rise a little, you build. You gallop, you deal with it, you surrender, you rise. You can do it, not as in an hypothetic wishful thinking but as a sound proof of your ability.

One can only build self-confidence by rubbing shoulders with fear. Two faces, one coin.

Nobody is born confident. Some people are just more used to hanging around their fears from a young age, and finding bricks of self confidence on the other side of it to build the castle of their narrative for the rest of the world to listen to.

One may not feel confident today, doubt one’s ability, legitimacy, fear for the worst. Do it anyways, go for it anyways, deal with chaos when it’s there, not before, not a minute before - also because chaos is never certain and no horse went crazy that day. Where there is desire there is fear, and on the other side of that mountain you may find a wild, free, half-confident self galloping through the puszta.

Now, on your saddle and off you go!

Clara

French-speaking zone, enjoy!